Questing For An Answer | Forum

When he was a toddler he was very tenacious and intelligent. Spanking was never the most effective punishment for him and I was relieved when he gained the power of reasoning at four years old - If you told my son he wasn't allowed to do something he didn't care, but if you explained to him why it was not a good idea then there was no issue. It had to make sense to him!

And respecting authority translated to authority being those people he judged as respectable. If you were a dick you would get nowhere with him. If you were strong and above board - there were no issues. And he is a smartarse and could take the micky out of an adult, even at 4yo. He would stir them like a mate at the pub might - he is very quick witted. It was hilarious and everybody would laugh unless the man being stirred was a dick and took offence.

I always said, that there was nothing wrong with my son's behaviour if he had have been 16yo and not a kid, and that the quick sense of humour and powers of discernment are great traits in an adult. He just needed to grow into his skin so others would accept it. 

Of course, his manner did not sit well with the old "Children should be seen and not heard," ideal. A lot of adults hated him - especially Beta males. After watching my son grow up I firmly believe Beta males instinctively try to destroy the Alphas when they are young. 

Fortunately his first grade teacher was a 60yo homely woman that worked him out within a week and she never had an issue. The next few teachers hated him. One sent us to a psychologist. The plan was that she plays a game with him and then he does some work for her. After 18mths, they were still spending the whole session playing games he wanted to play - she didn't even see it happening. He loved going there! So if a psychologist couldn't bend his will, well then what hope did his stupid teacher have. Lol.

I changed his school. I gave the new principal a heads up and she put him in with a male teacher that was remarkable with 10yo boys. (No he wasn't a predator). But he was remarkable and genuinely loved my son and other challenging kids and was able to work with him, and that made my life a lot easier. Lol.

He hated school in general and rarely did homework. But he was intelligent and a maths wiz (like his mother). Come puberty he worked out how to smile at the female teachers and then they all loved him. His sports teachers loved him too.

I had to deal with his self-esteem issues from so many people telling him he was bad. I took him to a psychologist who couldn't even get him to talk. Then I found one that dealt with ex-military personal and was great with Alpha male personalities. He used hypnosis. It helped and he was okay for a couple of years. My son always had a hint of depression (hereditary) and this peaked half way through his last year of high-school. He left.

When he was little he wanted to be a soldier, than he wanted to be a swat officer and then a police officer. He is 19yo now and currently working in security with aspirations to join the police force. He also did well in sales in the past. He has grown into his skin now. 

His issues in life will be with learning to manage depression when it hits. Plus he has always been a bit chauvinist which he will have to keep in check. I bought a Hello Kitty toaster when he was in high school so he and his friends would have to eat Hello Kitty toast. Lol! I'm a bitch like that. I guess he gets his smart arsery from his mother too. Raising him was like trying to balance a marble in the centre of a dinner plate - it was exhausting, but I think I did fairly well. It would have been nice to have a strong male influence around, but he is gaining that positive influence now from work associates so that is good. 

When this happens, you become an energy void and voids suck. Everybody requires energy, and you would have subconsciously developed methods to extract that energy from others. That's why you like to fight with people. You have developed the "intimidater/poor me" personality. Or the bully/victim personality, constantly flipping from one to the other to replace your lost energy.

Many of your tricks would be subtle, but people feel drained when they interact with you so they ignore you to protect their own stores. 

Basically you need to rebalance your energy. Once you are balanced you will no longer leak and suck. Without sounding like a hippy-dippy you need to learn to cycle your energy through the direct source - the universe. You can do this by simply staring at a tree and thinking how beautiful it is - you are giving it energy and when you do this and universal law dictates that it or the universe will feed you back. Or, check out some recycling energy meditation techniques. I know some occult books talk of these.

Giving energy is different from having it stolen just as receiving energy is different from stealing it. It is like comparing feeling awake because you are healthy and had a good night's sleep to feeling awake because you are loaded up on amphetamines - the latter is erratic and not sustainable. It can take time to rebalance your energy completely, but you will feel gradual improvement and it is worth it.

lol Yeah, we are talking about me. The Celestine Prophecy, how so?

Mind you when I say family, I'm referring to the entire family tree I know of and who knows of me and who have come into contact with me, not just parents but uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, siblings...  My memory goes as far back in many cases to when I was between 4-6 years old and I can tell you people since that have always kept their distance from me. Albeit, within those early recollections I remember not having any interest in people, not wanting them in my space, which goes without saying that I never even had any desire to get to know any of the other kids my age or anything. In fact, speaking of which I expressly remember around the age of six or seven convincing a girl who came to play with me when I was outside on this particular day to give me her arm, which I proceeded to bite into, so hard in fact it left deep teeth impressions. Why did I do this? Well, from what I recall she was bugging me with her yapping and I guess I wanted to make her pay for intruding in my space; I was happy and content enough with my own company and didn't want her there. I've been wondering if maybe my lack of interest in people has a bit to do with the treatment I describe; not necessarily all to do with it, but a contributing factor. What would you say?

I am well aware of some kind of difference between myself and others, I have always had this awareness, only the awareness has been more distinct when I had gotten older, round about in my mid twenties I would say.

In fact, the terms I always heard people use to describe me has always been "weird", or "strange" ( my 7th grade science teacher used this specific designator to describe me to another teacher he was talking to as I passed them by) and those monikers have been placed on me by just my mere presence I think, because there was never necessarily any specific or general thing for that matter I've done or even said to warrant such a designation. If I were to put a name to what I describe in the main body of the post, I guess I would say people have and always had an aversion to me and as far as my relation to people go it is and always have been as I said, one of disinterest.

I find that for the most part females, or perhaps some females are the ones to be especially wary of me, like for instance the mother, sister and girlfriend of a friend of mine; one of the few people I had actually took a genuine interest in. Once I remember as the friendship was unfolding. he saw me walking as he was on his way home with his girlfriend and offered to give me a lift. The exact moment I got into the car he introduced me to his girl and right away I sensed a negative feeling coming from her; a feeling of what she felt about me and as for his sister the first time I saw her she instantly threw her nose up at me lol and the mother was so offset by me that she obviously never allowed for me to enter the house, seeing as I always found my self sat sitting on the porch each and every time I would go to visit the friend, whilst everyone else besides me was found to go inside. when it's not females it's a certain kind of male with that same wary aversion as I described from the examples of those particular/specific females.

The thing is, you might have been a weird kid... But there is nothing wrong with that. Where the problem began is when nobody loved your weirdness. Nobody embraced or celebrated it. Your weirdness became a thing to be ashamed of, to be curbed, to be hidden... And the more you were shunned for your weirdness, the more introverted you became, and lack of social interaction leads to a lack of social skills. By the time you were a teen you would have been an awkward weirdo with a lack of confidence, simply because nobody ever believed in you. And people are fuckers and only hang with something that will improve their social stature - lack of confidence in a weirdo would be too much for them. Whereas a confident weirdo would be intriguing.

Parents are supposed to be in their children's corner. If your kids weird or a little different in some way than you fucking embrace it and help them to be the best weirdo they can be. ...Not teach them that there is something wrong with them. (It's like I said with women in another thread) - you need to give kids their reins and let them run - holding them just tight enough to keep them safe. But try not to hobble them with your own insecurities.

Will get back to you on the pic. I'm not great with pics but I will sit with it and see what pops up. Incidently, what kind of info were you looking for? Personality? Past, present, future? Health and wealth? Or something else specifically?

That hit the nail on the head, it's as I knew, or at least suspected that others response, more like reaction to my weirdness was where it's at. It's as you say, that reaction lead to me being shunned, leading to social awkwardness, leading to more shunning, leading to more of the same thing- a vicious cycle going round and round. The thing is initially for a few years I was ashamed of my weirdness making me lack some confidence in who I am, only in the years to come as I was reaching my thirties, I gradually began owning my weirdness, all the while, albeit futilely wasting my time doing all I could to get noticed; got in a bit of cycle of ignorance with those futile attempts, all it lead to was a tinge of frustration on my part, that is until I recognized I was catching myself in a cycle of ignorance as far as that goes. And yeah, not only wasn't my weirdness embraced by those supposed to be in your corner,(in my formative years I had gotten a lot of "don't let nobody hear you say that. Don't let nobody see you do that".)  my disinterest in being social was never curbed with encouragement in the opposite direction, looks like I was just abandoned to the wind, so is it any wonder that I'm more than a bit misanthropic? But at the same time I credit my disinterest in social affairs to sparing me the misfortune of going the way of those like Martin Bryant, who acted out of a place of frustration of desiring social interaction only to not get those desires fulfilled; my social disinterest spared myself and others to be frank. Now here we are many years later and I continue to be me in spite of no one else wanting to know me. I have always been weird, that weirdness was a factor in my societal shunning, which itself was a factor in me becoming not so socially skillful, leading to more shunning, leading to more social isolation and it's effects, leading to more shunning... and on the cycle turns. There is no going back to change the way the wheel now turns, my fate, so to speak has been sealed a long time ago. It's as it is, so be it. Now the mystery is solved I can go about my life without constantly scratching my temple wondering what and where it all went wrong, to be more precise, with the confirmation of what I always suspected I can now continue on without the constant wondering of what and where it all went wrong. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I can see clearly now the rain is gone. lol

On the pic I was looking more for personality, but it's also whatever can be picked up from it. Though here is a much better-and perhaps more flattering- pic.

I got the name Steve, or Stephen or Stephens... This might not necessarily be the name of the person but perhaps somebody significant to them. I could see I think alcohol around the person but it may have been in the past. It seemed to be in the etherea. I look at their eyes and I don't see any yellow so I am thinking the past or that they live a healthy life otherwise - they look healthy. 
There was an injury... I don't think it was self-inflicted but it occurred during a fit of rage or when they were drunk - it was a careless injury. But it was necessary to release the snake. I believe they became aware of or more in tune with their Kundalini or life energy after this injury. Something in them opened after this injury. It was a significant moment for development in their life.
I pulled a couple of cards and got a reference to money. This person has a talent where money is concerned but never got an opportunity to really embrace it. I believe they may be frustrated and not as educated as they would like to be. But they are selling themselves short because the fat lady hasn't sung yet.

I was beginning to wonder if this picture was of yourself, Grimey? As this is how I would imagine your energy signature to be. After reading your comments after this second picture I believe it probably is.

Now I will have a look at your new picture... By the way, I like the first one better. The second one looks sad. All I can say is that you are only 50yo. Stop writing your life off. You are in the Western, hibernation phase of your life. You are digesting. You are yet to become the butterfly. And the past is what gives the butterfly its individual shine, design and brilliance. 

Okay, I've just had some Port and I'm talking about butterflies so I'm signing out now. Seriously though, I looked at the first picture days ago before I was sucking down Port, so that stuff is okay.

Also this person wonders what went wrong. They are in the darkness before the dawn stage and they need to just hang in and believe a little while longer. Just let shit digest because everything is as it should be, There is stuff working out that they are not aware of - stuff which they have done the grass-roots work for but haven't yet seen the results.

Also, they have recently or are about to meet a woman who's nature is very compatible to their own. There is a possibility of a successful romantic relationship. They just need to open their mind and pick their battles. This woman would be loyal and submissive - it is not necessary to track her movements and interrogate her. Such would be fighting an unnecessary and possibly detrimental battle. If instead this person learns to trust their own initial instincts they will recognise that by nature this is a suitable and ideal woman for them, and that such battles are not necessary.

You both hit the markers nearly 100%. I certainly be like "No you idiots", "Why" questions questions- questioning is my inclination, followed by curiosity. You call the personality perfectly, particularly concerning the drugs to bring that calming break, only it relates to what Shadowlover said about Alcohol and by the way Shadowlover, even then I indulge in the drink once in a blue moon, if not less than that. So yeah, I pretty much live a healthy lifestyle. I'm indeed alienated flying above looking down and that is where my awareness of being different from others come into play, now that I think about it. And perhaps that one I'm wanting to come on up and fly with me is the companion shadowlover mentioned.

@Shadow lover "The first thing that came to mind with the other pic was that this is a soulful person. They feel things.- correct. I also thought they were abused as a child - probably hit!"  Emotionally neglected, always pushed to the side, never allowed to get interaction with the world; basically been put in a bubble, till I burst that bubble only to find that the world don't take to kindly to a non socialized person, if not only somewhat non socialized.

"They seemed still to be ducking and would be very vigilant in life where self-protection was concerned."- Correct again.

"I got the name Steve, or Stephen or Stephens... This might not necessarily be the name of the person but perhaps somebody significant to them."- Perhaps that compatible companion you mentioned?

I do sale myself short, but yet at the same time I don't, if that make sense.