How do you hit that spot? | Forum

This might not apply to everybody...

I had a few negative events happen earlier on in my life. The events themselves don't bother me, but having a succession of years where I needed to be wired somehow raised my level of what is normal - In other words, I have an addiction to chaos.

In reality I am a very peaceful person and don't actually like real life chaos and realised about ten years ago that I was getting my hit (I think it might be dopamine) from watching macabre movies. I would feel all jittery and watching the movies would calm my nerves and give me a sense of bliss. Back then, one a week was enough, but now most of them just don't hit the spot anymore. Like with any addiction, overtime you build up a tolerance. Lol.

I also used to get it from sex - often with dangerous individuals... But it worked. But only certain scenarios work. I actually haven't had much sex in the last few years, mostly because I'm middle-aged and men irritate me when they say stupid things - it ruins my head-space and then there is no point. (It's the equivalent to a girl giggling during sex). No doubt I would still enjoy the sex but it wouldn't hit that spot.

Another thing that works for me is blood. I considered taking on a bleeder, but retaining the relationship sounds like it would be high maintenance. I am actually by nature a submissive myself and don't really have much of an interest in owning men. But, I am still open to this as maybe bending my nature would be good for my personal growth.
I bent my nature once before to escape a dangerous situation and got a huge hit!

Anyway, do others here experience similar frustrations, and if so, what do you do to hit that spot?