Finding ' God ' on LSD | Forum

To begin with, I went greedy on the truffles that I soon lost my mind while I was in the forest. I ended up on the ground with the food I backpacked. I lost my balance and sat in the dirt and the fallen leaves thinking why the hell do I need all this stuff I backpacked. And as I was digging through dirt, I must’ve been bitten by something because whatever it was, it got me very mad; had me screaming at the birds like a deranged maniac, till someone called an ambulance IN THE FUCKING FORREST! I know I was tripping, but I kid you not when I say I saw an ambulance drive past me in the forest. With that insect poison in me I had become an animal. I wanted to claim the forest as my new home and never return back to my own home. I was transcending into an animal as my body was trying to understand the effects of the insect poison on my system. I took out my phone and keys from my pocket and I thought why the hell do I need this stuff! 

But somehow my rationale stopped me from ditching my belongings and becoming the animal I had thought I was becoming. I felt closer to God, but not just any God. At that time it was a spiritual animal angry at the world, and that was capable of rational thinking if it tried hard. It was confusing and challenging given the situation but it was a very deep self discovery that took ages of pondering upon its meaning. Till finally being able to simply understand it from a physiological point of view. The path I had taken has led me to other churches to seek my creator. I’m referring to life in general, not specially related to this incident. But ultimately I can only look at my experience from a chemical point of view. And to get here, I had to sober up for 2 years, not to mention giving up on other ’’bad habits’’. As you say, we can ’’reconstruct and recalibrate our perception’’. You can’t predict everything, but you can choose to change. And that will help anyone see a clearer path into becoming that perfect God they wish to be!

It was total bullshit, even the courts threw it out, but the cops' civil complaint caused a five month suspension.

So this is me just killing a few minutes and waiting to call my lawyer on the other case. The only one where I was actually fucked up, like I am here much of the time, but on this one I wasn't driving when the Sheriff showed up so it's a good case for me, but at this point with no license to drive and get to future court dates I almost wanna take the plea deal and pay a fine with maybe another five month suspension just to get it the fuck over with. It's already been a year.

Edit : semi colons and coordinating conjunctions don't belong together, we know better than that.

The acausal serves a significant purpose of allowing time(and God) to end; a reset, so it can again proceed forward - the arrow of time.

I have had a few mystical and esoteric experiences over the years.

I remember I had a very vivid dream once, which I would characterize as esoteric i.e. it was an experience mediated by a system of conventional meaning – language or symbolism, etc. The dream I had was cast in brilliant color. I was standing beside a large mandala, which grew in width and depth, while I studied it, until I could actually climb down into it and walk through it.

It was the most extraordinary dream. It was not the murky scenery, translucent background figures and strange conversations, which usually accompany my dreams. This dream was bright and colorful and profound. I’m not sure what was being communicated there?

I also did have an experience of something, which could be referred to as “God.” This was years ago and was definitely a mystical experience, as it was very difficult to describe and was not mediated, in any sense, with a conventional system of meaning. I was not under the influence of any drug, including alcohol when I had this experience.  

Apparently, Jacob Boehme had a mystical experience when he saw a beam of sunlight reflected in a pewter dish. I saw something in a street light, late at night, while sitting on a park bench, at a Sydney beach.

I will try to explain. What I saw was the glow of a street light in the dark. But, as I watched that light, I became aware of an underlying unity and a substantial essence, forming beneath the glowing light I was watching. Maybe, I was projecting an anthropomorphic identity into this light. I sensed this underlying unity and substantial essence was characterized by an intentional form of consciousness. This light emitted no language, but I sensed focus and interest. I sensed a calm centre, a sublime radiation, a gentle bursting forth from this light.

Weird, hey, and not particularly consistent with the weltanschauung of a Satanist.

Later, I became intrigued by complexity and difference. I remember lying back on the grass, years later, at another beach nearby, and being awestruck by the intricacy and complexity of interlocking branches and leaves on a tree I was lying beneath and studying. I regard that as another type of mystical experience. I began seeing everything around me differently, once I had that experience. That experience was associated with the beauty of becoming and ontological and phenomenal difference.

A lot of my esoteric and mystical experiences, associated with Satan and Satanism, came out of ritual, but also out of my interest in aesthetics and the desire to transform everything seen into personal works of art. I began to look at the darkness around the light. I began to perceive and characterize the background behind the light. It was and is a beautiful, but still ongoing way of disclosing the world. It is will to power and an underlying unconscious subject, made available in aesthetic form.

The question I'm wondering about is: Why? Is there a Why? 

However, if I were pressed for a "why", then I would say, as I've said many times before : experience(the verb).

Edit : needed an 's'

Quote from Phil_Lopian Hmm... Like there is no Why to why we dream at night. Why the unconscious mind makes dreams. I'll have to think about that for a while in silence. 

So in effect, and as a form of extrapolation, you look within yourself to formulate theories of that which is outside of yourself, of course, specifically pertaining to consciousness in this very brief essay.

And with the exception of consciousness, assuming that possible, any other thing in existence would also be a facet of the primordial, which, as a whole, is representative the infinite diversity which can be observed all throughout creation.

I am All Things, and I am nothing.

When all of the variables [the infinite scope and scale of negative & positive numbers] are in perfect balance and equilibrium/stasis, they add up to ZERO. Only when that stasis is disrupted do integers/numbers arise from that no-thingness. 

I rewrote it to my liking of course, the masculine pronouns seemed a bit premature, or maybe I'm not on the same page.

RE : fragments of ARARITA paraphrased